Winters Cold!

So its the last day of November and I am ready for December. I start my cardio regimen tomorrow in hopes of shedding a few pounds and feeling a little less sluggish. Christmas is coming and while I still am not much on celebrating it I am excited about spending time with my family and friends. Going to the out fitters soon to get some supplies for a new back packing trip that me and R Kelly are headed out on. Getting the little red dog her own pack as well should be interesting. I have had a very interesting soul searching month this last month, I think my loneliness is at the root of my dilemma. I seem to faultier most when this feeling takes a hold of me and a side of me I rather don't like comes out. I dated a woman four a grand total of four days and ended it when she got angry with me because I had been out hiking all day accusing me of other things and calling me her boyfriend already after only a few days all warning signs to me. So I will continue to look for a special someone but I do not hold hope in high regards at this moment but will still endeavor to keep pushing on. I have been reclassified at work as just a technician it seems to be going up and going down quite allot not really sure what thats all about but it bothers me to feel unstable right now. It has given me the thought of returning to school though at this time and changing careers which I think it is time for such a change to occur. So I am looking at this more of a blessing in disguise. I am saving for a trip back to Australia soon and look forward to spending time with my friends there. I miss them and I miss Australia greatly. I also want to take my daughter with me on an adventure soon so we shall see what comes of this and with any luck and money I will succeed in my quest for travel in the near future. Well not much more to say at the moment except that I am thankful for my life and whatever it has in store for me and that I am glad the little red dog is by my side keeping the loneliness away as she always does.

Sowen!

Well its the first day of October and the air is getting cool and crisp. I have waited for this all summer and what a long hot summer it was. I bid you farewell now summer because I have missed fall and wish to spend time in that season now. It is so strange how life has its many twists and turns as well as its many seasons. The funny thing is, we as people have seasons as well many seasons of the soul as it grows and finds itself. I do not know if I will find a new job soon, I do not know if I will be accepted in to Rad Tech school. What I do know is that I will continue to get up every morning and thank God for the breath I breathe and the chance I have to make all my dreams come true. I am a late bloomer in the responsibility game but I am at last here. Better late than never, a friend i have not seen in some time now stopped by to see me yesterday and as we talked I had asked him of jobs in Texas. I wish to move to Texas soon if possible, what I found out was very grim many people unemployed right now but as we talked he paid me a great compliment and reminded me about myself and that I have a great ability to talk with many peoples of any stature. He told me that on my customer service skills alone I will find that job that I seek. I had already been having a great day feeling great and enjoying the sun on my face and that just made it even better. Thanks Aaron! I really am fortunate while I don't have many friends I have great friends that are supportive and quite wonderful in their many ways. I played with my little red dog as well it was her birthday this month so I bought her a penguin and we played. My girl is two years old now and still as fun as ever. I also got a call back on a teaching job but it was in Korea so I am a little apprehensive of that due to the teacher kidnappings I have heard of in that country so we shall see what becomes of this. I will leave this entry with a wish of hope and faith in a great month to come. I will also hope that everyone has a month filled with happiness as the Celtic new year approaches and a new year is about to begin. May peace and happiness be at your door when you leave and when you return home.

Lost Dreams!

It seems more than ever I am wanting to just up and leave my security blanket and just go and start living my life. I have hoped for at least five years now to move to and live in Australia. I have a beautiful and wonderful friend there who is my best friend. I have not seen her in over three years now and our tea and coffee time are the moments in life I cherish most. Problem is finding a sponsor which in reality is my only hope for ever making this dream happen at all it would seem. I am hatching a scheme soon that might actually work for me and get this dream aloft on the winds of life once more. I finished my degree and that was for quite some time my biggest obstacle. The economy and foreign immigration laws seems to be my issue as of late. I am not giving up on my dream but I am going to start, at least trying, to get this dream to its reality. I don't know what life has in store for me but I will go to visit my friend and her family soon and I will try to get the attention of the people or persons that can help me to fulfill my dreams. We shall see what the future may hold I am still fighting for happiness and I will continue to do so. Me and the little red dog have been hiking allot and we have been spending allot of time outdoors as of late. I have been trying to eat better and get back into a more healthy lifestyle with more exercise. I have lost over 10 pounds so I think I might be on the right track. I want the next time I go to Australia to be fit and ready to wow that prospective sponsor. LOL! I realize that its a long road ahead, as it has been a long road just to get to where I am presently. I just know I will keep trying because it is not in my nature to give up. I refuse to have lost dreams!

Pondering my Future!

I am pondering my future as of late. It seems I am at a cross roads where I need to make decisions to either live my dreams or give into the world and become a good little drone and do what is expected of me.My dream of going to Australia to live and work will only happen through a sponsor I have come to realize. It costs thousands of dollars for the visa and it guarantee's nothing for me; through a sponsor though I can just come over and my little red dog can join me and we can finally become ocean side dwellers. My dog is well suited to become a beach dog as I am a beach bum. I am at a loss the economy now is uncertain and my future is uncertain as well because I am trapped in a tide of emotion right now because I stand at the edge of the void. I want so badly to make it to Australia because never have I felt so at home and alive as I did for that brief moment I spent there. The people the foods the lifestyle are more than anyone could hope for such a wonderful way to exist. I also would be able to spend time with my best friend, our friendship is one that defy's the odds as many have stated to me knowing me and the love I feel for my best friend. She if you are lucky to know her has a soul whose waters run deep and whose longing for the magic lost to us all still burns with hope. Dreamers I guess is what most would call our kind poets and kindred spirits floating on the winds of life and somehow finding each other even if only for a brief moment. Sometimes people, places , experiences, and moments shared are like taking a drink of cool water after thirsting in a desert of lost souls finding that one person who still embodies humanity in its most beautiful form. It's like being hungry for so long and some one gives you something to eat and the flavors are over whelming and full of wonder at how something so simple could taste so magical. We all often take these moments and people for granted because like a pair of old shoes that become to comfortable and we forget to appreciate that very fact of how the comfort us in our everyday lives. My dream is not dead but it is on hold for now and this troubles me. Someone once told me to just do it and everything will work out in the end. As I stand on the edge of the great void I feel a deep sense of fear that compels me not to jump. My dreams are telling me that if I don't though I can never be with them. So I am at a loss right now torn left pondering my future!

Moments of Peace

Theres comes a time in a mans life...a womans life...a humans life where we find ourselves in union with that which we call the universe, now before you think me a quack or a few bricks short here me out. We find ourselves outside of our humanity and the emotions that bind us to the flesh and our earthly forms; things like love, hate, pain, remorse, sadness, happiness and instead a calm washes over us and find peace for that one fleeting moment all the world vanishes and we are one with a feeling that even when it touches us for just one moment it heals our scattered souls and brings us one step closer to peace. For me these little moments are the mortar thats keeps my soul together when all it wants to do is fall apart. I find many things can bring these things on but it seems they all have one common factor that sets this universal awareness in motion...when we are still! I know it sounds strange but for me when you are sitting at a coffee shop or backpacking through beautiful mountains you set down and suddenly there is no sound, no world around all earthly faculties simply disappear and you are trans ported into that place where time and space coexist and you have a direct line to God and the universe. You realize we are connected to everything in existence and every living thing is a part of us as we are a part of it. The cruelty we humans so often inflict on each other and the creatures that exist along side of us suddenly becomes clear we are all one. When I finally do come out of these trances of peace a great sadness often follows because unlike the feeling I embraced just moments ago I realize that I can only change my little part in the world and not the world or its people. I have realized though we live in a great web of life all interconnected so what I have begun to do is just to change what I can in my life so those directly around me will be affected. I hope in turn I will touch them and they in turn will spread the change throughout the great web we call our lives. I hope that the change i am promoting is a positive one because in reality I have many negative traits but I think now my positive are not out weighing the negative in number. But as I say so often only time will tell. Until then I will enjoy my moments of Peace!

Faith in Humanity Renewed!

OK! My faith in humanity is renewed once more because of a random act of kindness shown to me. I thought I had failed my Finance class when out of the blue I get a second chance nuff said; you want the details of that talk to me in person. Because of that kindness though I am renewed and my plans are starting to take fruit. I am trying to get accepted into a university in Australia right now; with any luck I will be on a boat headed that way soon. Me and the little red dog on a new adventure once more. If that should fail i am going to apply to radiology school; yes I know a completely different direction but a new change that is so desperately needed in my life right now. My adventure with finding Asian love have ended for now I have discovered that women are women no matter where they are from. So I am devoting myself to finding a new job elsewhere and making money so I may pay off the last of my debt. Child support will be done in the next few years, you know I don't mind paying it if I only knew my baby girl was getting her money. Just haft to have faith in that one. My buddy Ryan needs to get a hold of me so we can do some serious backpacking soon for real need that mountain air you know! I hope that one day I find love somewhere and that she is true and has no boyfriends or emotional baggage, that seems to be the MO of my last few relationships dammit. That needs to change big time in my life. Well enough ranting I just want to share my good fortune which allowed me to graduate and start in a new direction in my life while making me realize hard work is recognized and rewarded for those willing to put forth the effort. Thank you humanity for never ceasing to surprise even a skeptic like me! My faith in humanity is renewed once more!

New Beginnings!

Well I got the second job and I have an interview coming up for a Network Engineer position that one would set my whole career in place. My poor little dog cut her foot open so I had to place her in the collar of shame lol! I hope she heals soon so we can hit the trails soon. Poor kid nasty cut at that but we will see if she will heal soon. But I am very excited about the new job and new job possibility because it means my future is on its way. I graduate this spring as well hopefully I will pass my finance class. Freakin brutal class man never had this much of an issue with education really. I am excited tho going to be very tired working all the time but I will get my debt knocked out more quickly and I will be able to save more in a shorter amount of time so we shall see. The girl Kim I have been talking with is going well also. She is so beautiful and so sweet I hope that it keeps going well. I would like to be married again but only to the right person. I no matter what am glad we met she really is a great girl and some one that I can see myself doing many things with in the future. I am just gonna put my life in Gods hands and we shall see where life takes me. I will write again soon and hopefully I will have something more interesting to write about soon! Until then laters!

Hamster

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The Journey

Well its a new year got that gym membership and headed on a few adventures soon. Me and Rkelly are headed out in the wilds somewhere to get some cold weather time so we can head to Colorado and some snow time. I have been looking for a new job as well I need a change in my life bigtime and I may be onto that we shall see. I am so glad to have this new year and the much needed time off that came with it. I feel recharged and ready to go again. I did not pass my damn finance class so my new years resolution is to kick its ass this time and live and breath the fowl air of capitalism in deeply so I may obtain my degree and move on to greener pastures soon. My damned student loans are upon me and its time to stop running from them and be done with them as well. Plus I want to get a new kayak for the coming summer which would be super I am doing longer trips now and want to get a bigger touring yak for the long hauls. I may also money permitting get a whitewater yak hence the gym tight fit so I need to lose some of the old gut. I am so not 20 anymore and my body knows it. I guess overall I am working on me this year and trying to let the rewards of doing so just find their way to me instead of having them as my destination just doing it the journey is my reward. We shall see what the new year brings and if I continue on my Journey.