Caldera: dream-like animated short about mental illness - Boing Boing

Caldera: dream-like animated short about mental illness - Boing Boing

The Empire!

So I have not written in sometime but have the urge to do so today. I am in a new job and possibly headed to another soon only time will tell.I am in the best relationship I think that I have ever been in EVER! My daughter has had a baby boy and he is adorable and probably one of the best things that I have ever known besides my baby girl! Her mother the witch that she is is still defrauding the child support people and they as usual do not care about anything except my check. So i have a bit of turmoil in my life but I am going to let whatever may be be! I am still moving forward and that to me is what counts. Sorry if my blogs always seem like bitch sessions I use this as an outlet to vent and get feed back on maybe some one who has the same issues as me. But as of yet not but only a few have read my blog let alone commented on it lol! Such is life and how interesting and hard it is to keep it moving. I am so very tired of our law makers and their constant meddling with our ever diminishing rights as citizens. I remember when I loved and believed completely without doubt or reservation in our country and its decision makers but now I feel abandoned and lost to a system that seems to not care unless I have an enormous amount of wealth. But anyhow just wanted to touch base not really any deep stirrings going on right now other than the sadness at an empire in decline. Be safe be cool be happy my friends life is short!

How to Cleanse a Heart?

I am still wondering why when everything is going well that I still have wickedness in my heart. I have heard there is a bible quote about cleansing ones heart or something. I need to do that and rid myself of my wicked soul, thoughts whatever is the root of my unhappiness. I wonder why we so often go on self destructive behaviors. I find myself clinging to them like a security blanket and it truly bothers me something awful. I keep fighting them though and I will beat them but will it be to late will I have hurt the ones I love by then or will I finally win. I do not know I can only put my life in Gods hands and hope he can help me find the strength I need to be a better man. I have so much to lose more than I ever have in my life now and this is when it seems to be the hardest to keep the faith. Who knows I do wish I could cleanse my heart and be the man I know I am. Sorry I am just rambling on and on about nothing and everything. I blog I think as a form of venting as well as a way to get feed back but what is funny I never get any feed back I am just not that interesting it would seem lol! Oh well I suppose it is better to be unknown than known on these things. I will continue on trying to keep my heart and self in line and God willing pull myself up out of a potential nose dive. I will do it I always manage to keep it together and I will find a way to cleanse my wicked heart!

The Way!

I often wonder how God knows what or who we need in our lives when we are seeking our way. Mine is so blessed these days I could burst. I have the love of a beautiful woman both inside and out and of course the little red dog for whom always gives me unconditional love and affection. I truly am blessed by all these people and kindred furry spirits. I recently became a grandfather and I felt that feeling I felt when I held my daughter for the first time. Love so deep and pure that only a love that has existed form times beginning could have sent it my way. My grandson has touched my heart in the same way I am madly in love with him and I have only just met him! I find it hard to understand how we can do this but I never look at a gift such as that as being anything but a miracle in my life so for this I give thanks! I recently went to south Padre Island in Texas! It was for the most part it was a great experience, I was with my girl and my dog. I was stressed out on the financial side of things, so I was not having as great a time as I could have and probably ruined it for my girl by stressing as well but she was a trooper and kept the faith. I am trying to get myself ready to return to school but I have failed over and over to save money as I needed to so things have been a tad bit tight for me and the pup. We will weather this storm and all storms to come I assure you of this for sure! I am so very glad for each breath I draw and hope that God blesses my daughter my grandson and all my friends and family with a long and very happy lives while we all keeping seeking our way in life!

Sunsets over Beaches

Well much has changed in my life since last I wrote to the world. Where to begin I must say I have retired my bunny tail and opened my heart to love once more. Quite refreshing to feel someones touch from even afar. I am truly blessed to have met a kind and loving person in this world of unfeeling and self centered people. I look forward to the future and whatever it holds so bring it life I am ready! On another note the Camino De Santiago I never wanted to do a pilgrimage but now I do strange how life adds things to your bucket list. I am to understand peligrinos have been doing that road for the last thousand years which is exciting to me and quite spiritual. I also wonder about what my future holds I am going to quit my job soon to go back to school and do not know what lies in store for me. I should take the safe route but what is a life unless you take chances to better it. I am tired of a life unlived and seek to live once more. I have been doing some travels with the little red dog and I need to break in a new back pack it calls to me to do so soon. I have begun portion control of food and my weight has been dropping dramatically as well as some regular exercise which seems to be helping this old dog stay fit. We shall see if I can walk away from my beer consumption lol! Damn you beer why do I love you so! So life in general is good and I am ready for a summer of adventure who knows where it will take me hopefully home to Australia I so miss my beaches! Oh and what about this upcoming end of days whats up with that are we gonna have one or is it another George Orwell type scenario I wonder. Any how me and the little red dog hope all is well in my readers worlds and that you find the trail you need to be on in life and that you always have sunsets over beaches from now on!

A New Moon Rising!

Well the new year is at hand and I am feeling quite good about the direction I am heading! My job still sucks but I am thankful for having one! I will fix that soon when I start back to school and try to make a new life and a new career! I have met some one and I really am glad to have found her quite a surprise in my hum drum little life! So weird to find some one that is so much like you and yet different enough to make it interesting we shall see where this goes but so far it's going very well! My daughter has been on a roller coaster ride as of late details to follow but I will pray for her and hope for the best! I hope that life is everything that my friends and family want it to be and that you all find the new year to be more than you could have hoped for! I will keep looking for another job and I will keep hoping for a better tomorrow! Live well my friends just wanted to wish you all the best on this new moon rising!

By the Moonlight!

I am always amazed by life and how it can bring with it many new surprises and even more so new roads to travel upon! I have been thinking of my future as of late and a career change is in order for sure. I have been in technology for 15+ years now and have grown tired of the bureaucratic and political crap of the business world. I know one can never escape these things. I do hope to change my field and possibly my place of residence within the next two years hopefully with a ocean nearby to help me cope with the stresses of my new career! I have found a new friend that shares my desires and my love of life and we seem to be on the same path in life in many ways. I find this quite refreshing and very exciting. It's been so long since I have had good company and even longer since I have known some one that is so down to earth. I keep hoping that this will continue to grow and bloom. I have such high hopes that life will become better with age like so many good things do! Time really is a wonderful thing some times when it's not taking the grains of sand from our lives. My friend had reminded me that we first started our friend ship by the light of the full moon. Something which seems to hold some importance to her so I truly enjoy the moon even more so than I did before! So here is to many many more full moons together and to what ever their light may bring!

The twitching of the Rabbits tail!!!

Well I am at a cross roads yet again in my life and which road to take in order to better myself. I have been in the technology business for years now and I have grown disillusioned and tired of the whole scene in IT! I yearn for something new better pay and more time for myself to travel and reconnect to the me I left behind during my campaign to earn a degree buy like a good citizen and yaddy yaddy yah! So I am ready to go the road less traveled and try on something new been think of becoming a surgical technologist. We shall see if that is going to work out for me. On another note I have been seeing a certain female for some time now and it is going really well. We both have allot in common and we both are pretty much on the same page. Normally my rabbit tail starts shivering and I run away by this point but she has some how not set it off. I must say I am quite relieved at this and quite shocked as well at how much I enjoy her company. The little red dog and I have not been able to do a whole lot this summer because of the extreme heat wave our state has been under not much kayaking or camping has been had so trying to get set for October so I can go backpacking in the high country. Sadly I cannot bring the little red dog due to predators apparently allot of predators. I hope that in the near future though we can do some more together for she is my pack, yak and all around outdoor buddy! I really do not have allot to say just things bouncing in my head and glad that the twitching in my tail has stopped! Later's!

Cross Roads!

Well I find myself yet once again at a cross roads in my life. I need to make tough decisions in order to move ahead in my life and I am finding it increasingly harder to do so. It would involve me taking chances and a leap of faith that all will be well. Which I believe in the long run will be better for me. I have started a new friendship that has potential to be something more. It involves a tough transition with my best friend though so its going to be difficult! I need to make a career change big time in my life and I am hoping that I can find the courage and strength to make the tough decisions that lie ahead. I hope that by doing so I can find a career that I love and one that has potential for growth and prosperity. We shall see what lay in my future with any luck a beach and some prawns lol! Man why is life so much life? I do want to start living even more started that trend some years ago and it has continued to grow over time so I am pretty excited about that trend I started and looking forward to the rest of my life however long that may be. God...Gods thank you for my little insignificant life that has brought both great sorrow and great happiness on this blue marble we call home. I will continue forward and try to take more chances so that happiness can find a home in my heart and life. The Little Red Dog is wonderful as ever always there with her special brand of four footed love and friendship keeping the flames going so that I don't haft to feel the cold of loneliness! Thank you everyone and all who are a part of this thing I call my life!

Lost In Space!

Do you remember that show from old the family gets sling shotted to the edge of the galaxy. Well thats how I am feeling these days like I have been shot to the outer rim of the galaxy with only my dog and a few friends to keep me company. Relationships are represented by hostile alien forces that are either trying to kill me or just being completely stupid much like the Jersey Shore! Why is it that emotions run so deeply in some and so shallow in others I still have yet to understand this dichotomy. I have a great example; someone asks for my number calls wants me to hang out then bam they disappear never to be heard from until the next random encounter. "Damn Aliens!" I really do not know what anyone really wants from me at times which is really weird. I still have hope we are gonna make it home one day and all will be well in the universe. Call me crazy but I am the eternal optimist. Not always but a definite most of the time for sure. What is one to do except trudge on and try to make the best of a situation that has been laid before them. I am lucky in the fact that I do have really great friends for support and the little red dog to keep me company on that journey through space and time or as I like to call it "life". I have accomplished most of my goals, I am almost debt free and I am ever searching for the next great adventure. Life is good! So why am I bothered by people who come into my life at random times? Is it because they never stay long or is it because they leave me feeling of little importance or that I am left feeling unwanted! Whatever it may be it still feels like I am lost in space!

New Feelings!

It's nice when we find old feelings that have become new feelings quite the relief indeed. I have been going through many many things as of late trying to get my life to new heights not only in my career but on personal levels as well. Things for the most part seem to be coming together and this is most agreeable indeed. I find myself so often helpless and floating on the winds of time them always taking to where they want me to be. I am but a servant to them to be cast about on a great vast ocean called life. Some days I am lucky though they put me on solid ground and let me feel the earth once more even if its just for a bit. I thank Fate for her kindness to me as always. Well i might be getting that dream job soon and I might have found someone to share it with only time will tell if either is real! But I don't really care because its the journey not the destination and I am so enjoying the journey right now! I need to take a road trip to Cali soon so I can reconnect with some old friends in Cali and in Vegas its been far to long and I would enjoy meeting their new families as well. So the tribe grows! The little red dog was jealous though she put herself in between me and my new other. To funny but she and I have been it pretty much since she was born so understandable lol! I am excited to see where things will go and what my future holds with any luck we will be happy I will have that career finally and life will be in full swing again ready for the taking! I went mudding with the neighbor this weekend near the river and the river was so beautiful and inviting to me for some reason. the water was so blue and clear very uncommon in todays chicken house polluted waterways we have nowadays. I am ashamed sometimes to call myself human when I see us hurting animals the environment and most of all each other its really sad that we have so much potential yet we waste it to feed the capital machine. We will pay for our stupidity one day maybe even in my time. Enough of the negative things are great and lets just leave them at that. Hope all are well and that yor lives are where you always hoped they would be!

Pieces!

Well another Valentines Day has come I will be short and brief for what I am writing of is quite plain and simple to convey. One cannot love only pieces of a person for we are not confections to be consumed in only pieces. You cannot have only the good parts we must love someone for all their parts because, well we only come in one whole package. Problem is most people cannot get past this very problem myself included. My little red dog is my path to being a better human being though. She loves me for me and she loves all of me unconditionally. Because this small creature has shown me a path to how to love I am eternally grateful. Leave it to a creature so small to show me a truth so large. I have been trying to love all in my life in this very way and will continue to do so until my time or theirs has ended the fact that my pup has shown me a new way is incredible and I will love her till the end of time for it. Just remember love comes to us all in so many ways just try to let it find its way into your heart and soul and love all the pieces.

Winters Cold!

So its the last day of November and I am ready for December. I start my cardio regimen tomorrow in hopes of shedding a few pounds and feeling a little less sluggish. Christmas is coming and while I still am not much on celebrating it I am excited about spending time with my family and friends. Going to the out fitters soon to get some supplies for a new back packing trip that me and R Kelly are headed out on. Getting the little red dog her own pack as well should be interesting. I have had a very interesting soul searching month this last month, I think my loneliness is at the root of my dilemma. I seem to faultier most when this feeling takes a hold of me and a side of me I rather don't like comes out. I dated a woman four a grand total of four days and ended it when she got angry with me because I had been out hiking all day accusing me of other things and calling me her boyfriend already after only a few days all warning signs to me. So I will continue to look for a special someone but I do not hold hope in high regards at this moment but will still endeavor to keep pushing on. I have been reclassified at work as just a technician it seems to be going up and going down quite allot not really sure what thats all about but it bothers me to feel unstable right now. It has given me the thought of returning to school though at this time and changing careers which I think it is time for such a change to occur. So I am looking at this more of a blessing in disguise. I am saving for a trip back to Australia soon and look forward to spending time with my friends there. I miss them and I miss Australia greatly. I also want to take my daughter with me on an adventure soon so we shall see what comes of this and with any luck and money I will succeed in my quest for travel in the near future. Well not much more to say at the moment except that I am thankful for my life and whatever it has in store for me and that I am glad the little red dog is by my side keeping the loneliness away as she always does.

Sowen!

Well its the first day of October and the air is getting cool and crisp. I have waited for this all summer and what a long hot summer it was. I bid you farewell now summer because I have missed fall and wish to spend time in that season now. It is so strange how life has its many twists and turns as well as its many seasons. The funny thing is, we as people have seasons as well many seasons of the soul as it grows and finds itself. I do not know if I will find a new job soon, I do not know if I will be accepted in to Rad Tech school. What I do know is that I will continue to get up every morning and thank God for the breath I breathe and the chance I have to make all my dreams come true. I am a late bloomer in the responsibility game but I am at last here. Better late than never, a friend i have not seen in some time now stopped by to see me yesterday and as we talked I had asked him of jobs in Texas. I wish to move to Texas soon if possible, what I found out was very grim many people unemployed right now but as we talked he paid me a great compliment and reminded me about myself and that I have a great ability to talk with many peoples of any stature. He told me that on my customer service skills alone I will find that job that I seek. I had already been having a great day feeling great and enjoying the sun on my face and that just made it even better. Thanks Aaron! I really am fortunate while I don't have many friends I have great friends that are supportive and quite wonderful in their many ways. I played with my little red dog as well it was her birthday this month so I bought her a penguin and we played. My girl is two years old now and still as fun as ever. I also got a call back on a teaching job but it was in Korea so I am a little apprehensive of that due to the teacher kidnappings I have heard of in that country so we shall see what becomes of this. I will leave this entry with a wish of hope and faith in a great month to come. I will also hope that everyone has a month filled with happiness as the Celtic new year approaches and a new year is about to begin. May peace and happiness be at your door when you leave and when you return home.

Lost Dreams!

It seems more than ever I am wanting to just up and leave my security blanket and just go and start living my life. I have hoped for at least five years now to move to and live in Australia. I have a beautiful and wonderful friend there who is my best friend. I have not seen her in over three years now and our tea and coffee time are the moments in life I cherish most. Problem is finding a sponsor which in reality is my only hope for ever making this dream happen at all it would seem. I am hatching a scheme soon that might actually work for me and get this dream aloft on the winds of life once more. I finished my degree and that was for quite some time my biggest obstacle. The economy and foreign immigration laws seems to be my issue as of late. I am not giving up on my dream but I am going to start, at least trying, to get this dream to its reality. I don't know what life has in store for me but I will go to visit my friend and her family soon and I will try to get the attention of the people or persons that can help me to fulfill my dreams. We shall see what the future may hold I am still fighting for happiness and I will continue to do so. Me and the little red dog have been hiking allot and we have been spending allot of time outdoors as of late. I have been trying to eat better and get back into a more healthy lifestyle with more exercise. I have lost over 10 pounds so I think I might be on the right track. I want the next time I go to Australia to be fit and ready to wow that prospective sponsor. LOL! I realize that its a long road ahead, as it has been a long road just to get to where I am presently. I just know I will keep trying because it is not in my nature to give up. I refuse to have lost dreams!

Pondering my Future!

I am pondering my future as of late. It seems I am at a cross roads where I need to make decisions to either live my dreams or give into the world and become a good little drone and do what is expected of me.My dream of going to Australia to live and work will only happen through a sponsor I have come to realize. It costs thousands of dollars for the visa and it guarantee's nothing for me; through a sponsor though I can just come over and my little red dog can join me and we can finally become ocean side dwellers. My dog is well suited to become a beach dog as I am a beach bum. I am at a loss the economy now is uncertain and my future is uncertain as well because I am trapped in a tide of emotion right now because I stand at the edge of the void. I want so badly to make it to Australia because never have I felt so at home and alive as I did for that brief moment I spent there. The people the foods the lifestyle are more than anyone could hope for such a wonderful way to exist. I also would be able to spend time with my best friend, our friendship is one that defy's the odds as many have stated to me knowing me and the love I feel for my best friend. She if you are lucky to know her has a soul whose waters run deep and whose longing for the magic lost to us all still burns with hope. Dreamers I guess is what most would call our kind poets and kindred spirits floating on the winds of life and somehow finding each other even if only for a brief moment. Sometimes people, places , experiences, and moments shared are like taking a drink of cool water after thirsting in a desert of lost souls finding that one person who still embodies humanity in its most beautiful form. It's like being hungry for so long and some one gives you something to eat and the flavors are over whelming and full of wonder at how something so simple could taste so magical. We all often take these moments and people for granted because like a pair of old shoes that become to comfortable and we forget to appreciate that very fact of how the comfort us in our everyday lives. My dream is not dead but it is on hold for now and this troubles me. Someone once told me to just do it and everything will work out in the end. As I stand on the edge of the great void I feel a deep sense of fear that compels me not to jump. My dreams are telling me that if I don't though I can never be with them. So I am at a loss right now torn left pondering my future!

Moments of Peace

Theres comes a time in a mans life...a womans life...a humans life where we find ourselves in union with that which we call the universe, now before you think me a quack or a few bricks short here me out. We find ourselves outside of our humanity and the emotions that bind us to the flesh and our earthly forms; things like love, hate, pain, remorse, sadness, happiness and instead a calm washes over us and find peace for that one fleeting moment all the world vanishes and we are one with a feeling that even when it touches us for just one moment it heals our scattered souls and brings us one step closer to peace. For me these little moments are the mortar thats keeps my soul together when all it wants to do is fall apart. I find many things can bring these things on but it seems they all have one common factor that sets this universal awareness in motion...when we are still! I know it sounds strange but for me when you are sitting at a coffee shop or backpacking through beautiful mountains you set down and suddenly there is no sound, no world around all earthly faculties simply disappear and you are trans ported into that place where time and space coexist and you have a direct line to God and the universe. You realize we are connected to everything in existence and every living thing is a part of us as we are a part of it. The cruelty we humans so often inflict on each other and the creatures that exist along side of us suddenly becomes clear we are all one. When I finally do come out of these trances of peace a great sadness often follows because unlike the feeling I embraced just moments ago I realize that I can only change my little part in the world and not the world or its people. I have realized though we live in a great web of life all interconnected so what I have begun to do is just to change what I can in my life so those directly around me will be affected. I hope in turn I will touch them and they in turn will spread the change throughout the great web we call our lives. I hope that the change i am promoting is a positive one because in reality I have many negative traits but I think now my positive are not out weighing the negative in number. But as I say so often only time will tell. Until then I will enjoy my moments of Peace!

Faith in Humanity Renewed!

OK! My faith in humanity is renewed once more because of a random act of kindness shown to me. I thought I had failed my Finance class when out of the blue I get a second chance nuff said; you want the details of that talk to me in person. Because of that kindness though I am renewed and my plans are starting to take fruit. I am trying to get accepted into a university in Australia right now; with any luck I will be on a boat headed that way soon. Me and the little red dog on a new adventure once more. If that should fail i am going to apply to radiology school; yes I know a completely different direction but a new change that is so desperately needed in my life right now. My adventure with finding Asian love have ended for now I have discovered that women are women no matter where they are from. So I am devoting myself to finding a new job elsewhere and making money so I may pay off the last of my debt. Child support will be done in the next few years, you know I don't mind paying it if I only knew my baby girl was getting her money. Just haft to have faith in that one. My buddy Ryan needs to get a hold of me so we can do some serious backpacking soon for real need that mountain air you know! I hope that one day I find love somewhere and that she is true and has no boyfriends or emotional baggage, that seems to be the MO of my last few relationships dammit. That needs to change big time in my life. Well enough ranting I just want to share my good fortune which allowed me to graduate and start in a new direction in my life while making me realize hard work is recognized and rewarded for those willing to put forth the effort. Thank you humanity for never ceasing to surprise even a skeptic like me! My faith in humanity is renewed once more!

New Beginnings!

Well I got the second job and I have an interview coming up for a Network Engineer position that one would set my whole career in place. My poor little dog cut her foot open so I had to place her in the collar of shame lol! I hope she heals soon so we can hit the trails soon. Poor kid nasty cut at that but we will see if she will heal soon. But I am very excited about the new job and new job possibility because it means my future is on its way. I graduate this spring as well hopefully I will pass my finance class. Freakin brutal class man never had this much of an issue with education really. I am excited tho going to be very tired working all the time but I will get my debt knocked out more quickly and I will be able to save more in a shorter amount of time so we shall see. The girl Kim I have been talking with is going well also. She is so beautiful and so sweet I hope that it keeps going well. I would like to be married again but only to the right person. I no matter what am glad we met she really is a great girl and some one that I can see myself doing many things with in the future. I am just gonna put my life in Gods hands and we shall see where life takes me. I will write again soon and hopefully I will have something more interesting to write about soon! Until then laters!

Hamster

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