Pondering my Future!

I am pondering my future as of late. It seems I am at a cross roads where I need to make decisions to either live my dreams or give into the world and become a good little drone and do what is expected of me.My dream of going to Australia to live and work will only happen through a sponsor I have come to realize. It costs thousands of dollars for the visa and it guarantee's nothing for me; through a sponsor though I can just come over and my little red dog can join me and we can finally become ocean side dwellers. My dog is well suited to become a beach dog as I am a beach bum. I am at a loss the economy now is uncertain and my future is uncertain as well because I am trapped in a tide of emotion right now because I stand at the edge of the void. I want so badly to make it to Australia because never have I felt so at home and alive as I did for that brief moment I spent there. The people the foods the lifestyle are more than anyone could hope for such a wonderful way to exist. I also would be able to spend time with my best friend, our friendship is one that defy's the odds as many have stated to me knowing me and the love I feel for my best friend. She if you are lucky to know her has a soul whose waters run deep and whose longing for the magic lost to us all still burns with hope. Dreamers I guess is what most would call our kind poets and kindred spirits floating on the winds of life and somehow finding each other even if only for a brief moment. Sometimes people, places , experiences, and moments shared are like taking a drink of cool water after thirsting in a desert of lost souls finding that one person who still embodies humanity in its most beautiful form. It's like being hungry for so long and some one gives you something to eat and the flavors are over whelming and full of wonder at how something so simple could taste so magical. We all often take these moments and people for granted because like a pair of old shoes that become to comfortable and we forget to appreciate that very fact of how the comfort us in our everyday lives. My dream is not dead but it is on hold for now and this troubles me. Someone once told me to just do it and everything will work out in the end. As I stand on the edge of the great void I feel a deep sense of fear that compels me not to jump. My dreams are telling me that if I don't though I can never be with them. So I am at a loss right now torn left pondering my future!

Moments of Peace

Theres comes a time in a mans life...a womans life...a humans life where we find ourselves in union with that which we call the universe, now before you think me a quack or a few bricks short here me out. We find ourselves outside of our humanity and the emotions that bind us to the flesh and our earthly forms; things like love, hate, pain, remorse, sadness, happiness and instead a calm washes over us and find peace for that one fleeting moment all the world vanishes and we are one with a feeling that even when it touches us for just one moment it heals our scattered souls and brings us one step closer to peace. For me these little moments are the mortar thats keeps my soul together when all it wants to do is fall apart. I find many things can bring these things on but it seems they all have one common factor that sets this universal awareness in motion...when we are still! I know it sounds strange but for me when you are sitting at a coffee shop or backpacking through beautiful mountains you set down and suddenly there is no sound, no world around all earthly faculties simply disappear and you are trans ported into that place where time and space coexist and you have a direct line to God and the universe. You realize we are connected to everything in existence and every living thing is a part of us as we are a part of it. The cruelty we humans so often inflict on each other and the creatures that exist along side of us suddenly becomes clear we are all one. When I finally do come out of these trances of peace a great sadness often follows because unlike the feeling I embraced just moments ago I realize that I can only change my little part in the world and not the world or its people. I have realized though we live in a great web of life all interconnected so what I have begun to do is just to change what I can in my life so those directly around me will be affected. I hope in turn I will touch them and they in turn will spread the change throughout the great web we call our lives. I hope that the change i am promoting is a positive one because in reality I have many negative traits but I think now my positive are not out weighing the negative in number. But as I say so often only time will tell. Until then I will enjoy my moments of Peace!

Faith in Humanity Renewed!

OK! My faith in humanity is renewed once more because of a random act of kindness shown to me. I thought I had failed my Finance class when out of the blue I get a second chance nuff said; you want the details of that talk to me in person. Because of that kindness though I am renewed and my plans are starting to take fruit. I am trying to get accepted into a university in Australia right now; with any luck I will be on a boat headed that way soon. Me and the little red dog on a new adventure once more. If that should fail i am going to apply to radiology school; yes I know a completely different direction but a new change that is so desperately needed in my life right now. My adventure with finding Asian love have ended for now I have discovered that women are women no matter where they are from. So I am devoting myself to finding a new job elsewhere and making money so I may pay off the last of my debt. Child support will be done in the next few years, you know I don't mind paying it if I only knew my baby girl was getting her money. Just haft to have faith in that one. My buddy Ryan needs to get a hold of me so we can do some serious backpacking soon for real need that mountain air you know! I hope that one day I find love somewhere and that she is true and has no boyfriends or emotional baggage, that seems to be the MO of my last few relationships dammit. That needs to change big time in my life. Well enough ranting I just want to share my good fortune which allowed me to graduate and start in a new direction in my life while making me realize hard work is recognized and rewarded for those willing to put forth the effort. Thank you humanity for never ceasing to surprise even a skeptic like me! My faith in humanity is renewed once more!

New Beginnings!

Well I got the second job and I have an interview coming up for a Network Engineer position that one would set my whole career in place. My poor little dog cut her foot open so I had to place her in the collar of shame lol! I hope she heals soon so we can hit the trails soon. Poor kid nasty cut at that but we will see if she will heal soon. But I am very excited about the new job and new job possibility because it means my future is on its way. I graduate this spring as well hopefully I will pass my finance class. Freakin brutal class man never had this much of an issue with education really. I am excited tho going to be very tired working all the time but I will get my debt knocked out more quickly and I will be able to save more in a shorter amount of time so we shall see. The girl Kim I have been talking with is going well also. She is so beautiful and so sweet I hope that it keeps going well. I would like to be married again but only to the right person. I no matter what am glad we met she really is a great girl and some one that I can see myself doing many things with in the future. I am just gonna put my life in Gods hands and we shall see where life takes me. I will write again soon and hopefully I will have something more interesting to write about soon! Until then laters!

Hamster

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The Journey

Well its a new year got that gym membership and headed on a few adventures soon. Me and Rkelly are headed out in the wilds somewhere to get some cold weather time so we can head to Colorado and some snow time. I have been looking for a new job as well I need a change in my life bigtime and I may be onto that we shall see. I am so glad to have this new year and the much needed time off that came with it. I feel recharged and ready to go again. I did not pass my damn finance class so my new years resolution is to kick its ass this time and live and breath the fowl air of capitalism in deeply so I may obtain my degree and move on to greener pastures soon. My damned student loans are upon me and its time to stop running from them and be done with them as well. Plus I want to get a new kayak for the coming summer which would be super I am doing longer trips now and want to get a bigger touring yak for the long hauls. I may also money permitting get a whitewater yak hence the gym tight fit so I need to lose some of the old gut. I am so not 20 anymore and my body knows it. I guess overall I am working on me this year and trying to let the rewards of doing so just find their way to me instead of having them as my destination just doing it the journey is my reward. We shall see what the new year brings and if I continue on my Journey.

I want a new Drug!

I am needing a new drug or hobby or distraction however you wish to view it. I am so burnt out on life right now that its like being a zombie walking through a dream. No really I do need some me time though. I am definitely overworked under paid and not appreciated at my job or in my life by most I think. I know that everyone else has their own problems and own worries to deal with so I understand why we all how we are. I have been moving towards going to school in Australia for some time now and after finance this semester I should be extremely close to achieving this goal. I miss the beaches and I miss my friends there. I have been trying to get my bills all paid off so I can leave without any commitments so far everything except my student loans. If I do it right they can be gone in two years and so can I with luck. I am going to try and take some time off soon so I can just relax and find that happy median that I have been trying to find for so long and just live. I realize that in today's world we have forgotten how to do that. When was the last time you just woke up and went or did whatever instead of the day being sliced up in to time bits where you can only do this or that for the allotted amount of time. My day is chopped up from the moment my clock buzzes till the moment I pass out again that night. I am definitely ready to find a beautiful distraction and let it wisp me away into wonderland and no white rabbits with time pieces either or its stew for me that night! ;) I am heading into unfamiliar territories soon because if I do get through school I am thinking of trying out a new career in maybe teaching. Who knows I might pursue a capitalistic approach instead and start my own company all things are possible if you have the desire and will to make them happen this I know for sure. Until then me and the old kayak, backpack and little red dog are heading to places outdoors and away from the woes of modern man so that I might get some peace and quiet. Sometimes that old expression silence is a virtue rings true and we need that to reset the internal clock and escape our electronic collars. I know mine is chaffing me big time. My friend Rkelly need to contact me soon so I can break in my new backpack its screaming that it wants to find a dusty trail on a secluded mountain somewhere in America! Well my fellow bloggers and travelers find your quiet mountain or new drug and use it to your best ability to find some peace and quiet. Laters!